


The Detritus of Past Pleasures

by dreamplaza



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Couch Casting, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 11:18:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1816687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamplaza/pseuds/dreamplaza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the infinitememe prompt: sungjong is the member who's supposed to go on "dates" with seniors so infinite will get ahead. to protect him, sunggyu volunteers to go instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Detritus of Past Pleasures

Listen to this: the worst mistake you can ever make is to assume people are consistent.

I woke up in the middle of the night because I needed the toilet. Imagine my surprise when I found you hunched over the toilet bowl, retching and choking, your head bowed. Like you didn’t even have the strength to hold it up.

I assumed you’d just had a wild night, even though it was impossible. You’re too responsible to go drinking three weeks from our comeback. You’d have been too tired, anyway. But what else was I supposed to think?

So I squatted down, put my hand on your back, and you jumped as if you’d seen a ghost. And then you choked and put your head back into the toilet bowl. Your body was shaking so hard that day, I thought you drank so much you had alcohol poisoning. So I got you a glass of water. I wanted to ask if you were alright, but before I could do that you were shooing me back to my room. “Tomorrow’s a big day. Don't worry about me, I just had a bit too much to drink.”

Maybe I was too tired, too confused by this strange occurrence that I simply didn’t think much of it. “Okay,” I said, “I’ll be in my room if you need help.”

And then I went back to sleep. I think I did wonder why your breath didn’t smell of alcohol. Maybe you had just brushed your teeth before your stomach turned itself inside out, I decided.

You looked like hell the next morning. You yelled at Sungyeol and I so many times, even though you were just as horrid when it came to dancing that day. I wanted to walk out of the practice room and never come back. But like all of my other irrational thoughts, I never acted on that.

 

It was at an afterparty. I walked out of the club for a while because I was tired of the noise and people. I wanted to go home, but the other hyungs were still inside the building, celebrating their win, and I didn’t have any way of going home.

And then I saw you. I knew it was you the instant I looked up, but somehow I thought it couldn’t have been you. You were walking with an older man, his hair salt and pepper and his hand on your waist. Like a lover. I thought you were someone else, but the shape of your back and the way you walked gave you away. When you turned around to look at your companion, I stepped back into the shadows so quickly I surprised myself.

I thought you didn’t want to tell me so I never asked. There were more than enough things we wished to keep to ourselves then.

I’d entertained thoughts of being like that with you, after that. I liked you as a hyung, but I fantasized about putting my arm around your waist anyway. I imagined the way we would kiss, wanted to press my chest up against yours, thought about the way I would fuck you.

Once, when I was the first to get home, and I opened the door to your room to see you on the bed with a man. Again, I was mistaken, too young to understand that when you put your arms around someone as he fucked you it might have meant something other than love or lust. I closed the door to the dorm as quietly as I could, and sat outside the elevator one floor down.

I waited for an hour before I dared venture back. When I saw you, you looked as if you wanted to say something. But I was still grappling with the thought of not having you that I became blind to everything else. The surge of angerjealousyneed filled up my vision, and I brushed past you too quickly to reach my room. You must have known that I knew, then, because you didn’t speak to me for a while. And me, I thought you were simply ashamed.

You were, but not for the reasons I thought.

 

Another time, we were in your room when you turned to me and said, “Listen to this,” holding your earphones out towards me. The curve of your lips was gentle, and I hoped, in that moment at least, your gaze held some tenderness. You said, “My hyung produced this song for us. It’s great.”

And I complied, fitting the earphones against my skull, unaware of anything but the soft sounds of plastic sponge rustling against my ears. The two seconds before you pressed play were filled with a ringing silence.

You might have been waiting for me to say some specific thing, but I disappointed you. I said, "I like this, I hope your hyung can work with us again."

You told me, eyes soft with tenderness--maybe, or was it resignation? I couldn't tell, then-- "I'll try, for you."

And my heart skipped a beat.

**Author's Note:**

> Reposted from livejournal


End file.
